Friday, June 13, 2014

untitled draft



sunshine casts a shadow
into early dusk
and cars flood the street
my heart speaks to me
in the shape of a tattoo
stamped on the pavement

she says, 

"love me anyways.

"Love me.
In spite of myself, 
love me.
With my flaws and my doubts,
love me. 
we speak the same language, 
you and I.


I pretend not to notice 
when you walk by,
though my heart beats loudly 
restlessly
hoping for a glance
and one chance
that you will see me."

I wish you'd love me back, i think.

momentary pause

my heart sighs.

i step carefully around you

wishing for the pain to be gone

and continue on. 


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Tree Rings

Shared space with your rings today
Up close and personal
Weathered and deep-wrinkled
Scars from a war that time had waged
Upon your
Once perfect concentric circles
Competing for space
Vying for attention
Recognition
On a cracked-out stump
I’m Gazing into a long dark tunnel where no light shines
From the other side at the other end
Is this it?
I ask myself
And wait In silence
For your answer.

Crept closer
Studied the lines
Listened for secrets and
Lost myself in those infinite lines
Part of an intricate design
Going ‘round and ‘round
Cycles in circles
Of life and seasons
The tide washing in and out
You’ve probably seen it all before
In your better days
Felt the wind beating
Against your branches
Rain pouring through your leaves
Sunlight dancing around your shade
Majestically made
Once.

Shelter in the midst of a storm
A place to call home
Shade and warmth
Comfort
Security 
You provided again and again
Life to many
Abundantly
Only your rings a testimony
Remain.

I wonder
What lessons you’d give
What words could suffice
I step back and wait
But the answers don’t come
Maybe I’d wait forever
Or maybe already I know
Nothing’s the same as it used to be
As time simply repeats herself
Carving her history
Into patterns of beauty
Documenting our journeys
Into these…
 Rings on a tree for the world to see.

 6/29/2010 ['Tree Rings' artwork circa Tony Hong]

Friday, November 26, 2010

bloom

- – -

Battered and bruised
broken, abused

Used.

Tossed and left aside
Motionless I’d lie
Wishing I could die
as my mind drifted up to a cloud in the sky

‘twas the only way to get by.

They’d take me and trample me onto the ground
Rip out my petals and shatter my crown
Tell me they’d love me but leave me to die
Blinding my eyes and my heart with their lies

Numb to the pain
‘til nothing remained
all of my efforts to stop them in vain
looking for freedom… it never came

Ashamed.

Someday I hope to emerge from this night
like a flower unfurling herself to the light
shyly I’ll come with my eyes shut tight
hoping you’ll see me
notice my beauty
recreate me
help me to rise
to be redeemed
safe from my past
loved at last

as tears of joy run down my face
warm and safe in your embrace.

escaping the gloom…
and Ready to Bloom.

March 2010

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

a work-in-progress...




Sun glistened intently upon the waves
Heat burned intensely upon the sand
I peered up at a deep blue sky
Stretching endlessly before me
Plunging into its reflection below
While taking a breath at the horizon
Whose only job seemed to be
Separating one expanse from the other
As deep calls to deep.

My thoughts came and went
Crashing into themselves
Like this and that
And waves crashing onto shore
Seemingly disconnected
One after another

I shielded my eyes from glory
To big for me
To comprehend
To understand
Deep calling to Deep
I wanted to fly
Away into that space of
Deep blue sky and sea
A limitless expanse on and on
Knowing I couldn’t
I settled merely on the sand
Sat and listened
To my scattered thoughts
While warmth radiated through my hand
And the waves…like my thoughts…danced.

10/05/2009

Sunday, January 25, 2009

flutter



lights danced.
they shimmered on the cool pavement
of an unknown place
seeming to echo
some delicious secret
just between the two of us
while overhead
trees kept counsel
and wind breathed life upon their leaves.

the leaves danced too.
fluttering in the breeze
this way and that
propelled by a force
larger than themselves
indeed
larger than life itself
like the strange force
that made my heart flutter
when i looked and saw your eyes
looking back at me.

my heart fluttered
the world stopped
leaves rustled
and lights danced upon cool pavement.
(22 january 2009)

(photograph used with permission - Christine Choi )

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

beauty...broken

i know beauty is in brokenness
He becomes greater, I become less
but what do I do when the pain gets too great...
to bear the weight?
the heart ache
makes my heart break
shatter
rip into tatters
and shreds
'till there is no more left

He must be greater, I must be less

I've asked Him to break me
I've asked foolishly
never once thinking He'd grant my request
never imagining He wanted what's best
for me
or take me so seriously

I can't seem to find a way out of this mess
I'm feeling the cost of my weariness
heaviness
that invades my body and soul
makes me so tired
confused
angry
upset

spent
with nothing left

I wish I could see His daylight
I wish He'd save me from this night
sometimes I sit with eyes shut tight
and pray
"Please take this all away"...

silence

All I can do is trust
rest
even amidst my desires to scream
and wishing it were all a dream
in the end-
beauty's for my brokenness
i cry

He'll become greater, I'll become less

and then maybe I'll know why
He had to come and die.



"weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

02 December 2008

Saturday, October 04, 2008

3 o' clock a.m.

during a weekend up in big bear, on a summer retreat, i wanted to capture a precious moment i had shared with 3 other women. we got out our blankets/sleeping bags, huddled under them, and conversed about this and that, as the hours lengthened into morning...


"sounds of laughter drifted
up through the night sky
and collided
with a tapestry of stars overhead -
the lights of heaven
just on the other side
shining down upon this earth -
they witnessed joy... mirth...
and blazed down to their destinies below

while God painted a picture
in each of our hearts
of beautiful spaces
and places
filled with His glory
this is true community
they say
as the broken come together
running a race
where all of us are winners

we shared our thoughts and dreams
underneath that night sky
as those stars fell
burning ever brighter
carrying our secrets to their graves
and
the beauty of heaven
became God's face
smiling down upon us."

11 august 2008

collide

you will go on with your life
and i will go on with mine
but there is something strangely comforting
in that...
and perhaps when we meet again
our worlds will collide
and continue on
as if time had stopped
just for us.

(01 Sept. 2008)