surrounded by ideas floating
around me
i should be able to reach up
grab one
make it my own
and give it life.
breath.
but the longer i sit,
the more idle i become
while these ideas create a life of their own
flitting
fluttering away
in pursuit of their own dreams
replaced by emptiness
heavy space
and a yearning i can't quite
replace.

tribute

my friend turned 33 several days ago. he and his wife are two of my greatest mentors, role models, family members (by GracE), and friends. i am honored to know them.

they have been serving in the beautiful country of Japan since ... 2006 (or 2005?).
before that, they studied and prayed and lived at Gordon-Conwell, faithfully working and preparing towards the day God would finally send them over.

when they left california for the cold, but beautiful, climate and landscape of new england, these words came to mind. i scribbled them down 6 years ago, in memory of the ryus.

"I wanted to write you a poem or a song.
Something to commemorate the time I’d spent
With you.
Something that I could remember you by.
But nothing came.

The blank page in my thoughts has become
A blank sheet of paper in front of me
The ways in which God has worked in you
Could never be put into words
And I wouldn’t even try
Or dare to try.

I’ll just keep my memories of you
Inside myself.
Take them out once in awhile to look at
To gloat over
To ponder upon

And I hope you will too."

(Written 7/24/01)

Night sounds such as
The soft hooting of owls and
Sneakers squeaking on pavement as boys
Play basketball next door
Drift through an open window
Hoot…hoot… squeak… swish
And I wish I had you
to share in this moment
With.

spring 2005

I'm waiting for my redemption
Found in no one but you
"For there is none like you
No one else can touch my heart like you do."

Temporarily I try other things
that leave me
Dissatisfied
Leave me empty inside
Dreams that waste away
Washed by tide
Fantasies that die
As my worlds collide.
I run but I can't hide.

Wrestling with your promises
Scared to let go
Clinging on tight
Save me from myself.

How long must I wait?
Only pray?
Stay still so you can have your way?
Stop thinking of only me?
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
As temptations crowd around me
Enticing with a serpent tongue
and words that leave me
Empty and confused.

Help me bear the pain
Refine me in fire again
Grant me peace
and then,

Open my heart to love
Those treasures found above
The beauty of a broken heart
Set apart
For you.
(Feb. 02, 2005)

#2

on a silent night
while the angels sang
on high
upon a midnight clear
a child was born in a stable
named emmanuel
first noel
prince of peace
chosen one
wonderful counselor
son of man
lamb of God.

a day would come
his life fulfilled
crown of thorns
pierced in his side
blood flowing down
sweet sacrifice
offered up for love
condemned to die
he hung forgotten
king of the jews.

the stars shone bright
as cattled lowed
and horses neighed
wise men came
and shepherds bowed
while a baby slept
in a cold world
his fate unknown
his future foretold
unfolding as a child.

and as a cross was raised
a mother remembered
as a nail was hammered
a stable and a manger
as a body was broken
his cries that filled the night

and... it... came... to... pass.


(december. 2006)

knees to the earth

The music has long ceased,
But my heart still beats,
“Alleluia, alleluia”
Words echo through my mind
Transcending space and time
Countless ages long ago
Tears, blood and water flowed
Down from Your hands, feet, and side
Watering the earth for which You died.

My daddy died today
Soldiers took His life away
They mocked Him King of fools
Forgotten by the multitudes
The people He had come to save
Would never know the price He paid.

I wonder what they were thinking
When the temple veil tore in half
When they saw the lightning flash
The sky turn black as night
When they heard the thunder crash
And Jesus scream in agony,
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

The weight of the world He carried
While His Father turned and wept
To experience wretched separation
Damnation
For our
Redemption
Death that we might live
Freely
Eternally.
“Amazing love, how can it be?
That you my King would die for me.”

Now, knees to the earth
Humbly I bow
Face down
My tears water the ground
You’ve captured my heart forever
My God, I stand in wonder
Awed by Your love for me
And how You died to set me free. (12/14/03)

this little box of mine

in a little box i hide
as i smile at the world outside
here i'm protected
here i feel warm
here no one can threaten or harm

no one can touch me
inside
this little box o' mine
or even come near me
though many may try
they wait close by

'tis a good thing to hide
inside
this little box o' mine
to seal up each corner and wall
nooks, crannies, and all
dark and airtight
safe and out of sight
can't breathe but it's alright

at least then
no one can hurt me again.

march 26. 2007

unfinished

we move in two different circles,
you and i.
facing the sun on opposite ends
of the earth
twisting, turning, coming close
always
but never enough to touch
each other.

sometimes, i feel like
we're spinning round and round
as i see your face
lingering in my mind.
but the cycle goes on,
and again,
i am alone.

feb. 01.2005

grateful

i must have forgotten what it felt like
to be real.
to fully feel
the grandeur and splendor of those first days
passionate awe and excitement
butterflies in my stomach
filled with gratitude for his blessings
of family and friendships, old and new
warmth and comfort
security and safety
growing deeper
running farther
journeying together.

i must have forgotten what it felt like
to be real.
to fully feel
the wind on my face, the sun in my eyes
the clouds moving
across the sky
shadows reflecting before me
as we climbed higher
tasting the salty air
and the exhilaration of passing the world by.

i must have forgotten.

but today you brought that back to me
as i listened to music
created in an empty sanctuary
by a girl and a piano
long ago.
where have those years gone?
my heart is dry.
i yearn for your touch.
your reassurance
that all will be fine.
returning to a happy place in my mind
and no longer forgetting to feel...

i'm forever grateful.